Lardmobile Problems

I've been having a few problems with The Lardmobile, recently. It's losing water, and the last time that happened the cylinder head gasket went. :( .
Anyway, tonight I drove about a mile up the road and the temperature gauge suddenly shot up to HOT HOT HOT! So i pulled into ASDA's carpark and topped the radiator up, with about 7 and a half litres of water :( Then I checked the oil. Two Dipsticks?!?!? One was OK the other was empty. Yipes!!!

So, out came the oil can and in went about 3 litres of oil. Checked dipstick's again. One rather high, and one EMPTY. . . Erm!?!

So I thought I'd go home and wait till the morning. Err Nope. The Lardmobile refused to start. I walked home and hoped, (by the power of "The Secret"), that it would just be a flat battery. But why did it suddenly go flat. I'd just topped up with oil and water and then the battery is flat?!?! It doesen't make any sense to me. I thought I had put too much oil in, and a sensor was stopping the engine from turning. Anyway I decided to go back and call the RAC out. That was at 10.30pm last night. The guy turned up at 00.15 this morning. He thought that the cylinder head gasket had gone. Then he thought that I'd probably put the oil in the transmission fluid tank. So that's what the second dipstick is for :D .

Yep I've got NO TRANSMISSION FLUID in my gearbox. Make note to self "get Transmission Fluid NOW!"

Anyway I said: "Could it just be a flat battery? . . . Please!?!

He was dubious: but got that box of electricity thingy, out of the back of his van; connected it to the battery. I turned the key and Bingo! The Lardmobile started :D.

Mr RAC stuck around for a bit just incase the temperature went loopy again (It didn't), and he decided that all that was needed was a bit of a run to charge the battery up and SOME TRANSMISSION FLUID!!!. Oh and get the water leak fixed!

Happy Days!